


Castiel and Slash Fiction

by JoyHeart



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Friendship, Humor, M/M, One Shot, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-27
Updated: 2010-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-04 18:41:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/396997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyHeart/pseuds/JoyHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean show Castiel what slash fiction is.<br/>This was a mistake.<br/>Especially when Chuck publishes the Supernatural books that Castiel happens to be in, allowing fangirls to make a new slash pairing.<br/>Crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Castiel and Slash Fiction

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted under my account on Fanfiction.net, written somewhere in the midst of season 5.... I don't know, it's still up on the other account but I thought it wouldn't hurt to put it here too. It's gotten kind of popular.

"Sam?" Castiel was looking over the younger Winchester's shoulder in the motel room. "What's this website? It doesn't seem to have information on how to defeat monsters..."

Sam jumped. "No it's, uh..." he tried to cover the screen, knowing Dean was about to come over and make fun of him and not having the presence of mind to minimize the window.

"What're you looking at, Sammy?" Dean got off his magic fingers mattress and pulled Sam back from his computer, to his unheard protest. "Fanfictiondotnet? Holy crap, I knew you were metrosexual but-"

Sam glared. "Well some of them are actually very good!"

Dean looked flabbergasted. "Isn't it all slashfics on that site?"

Sam sputtered, "NO! Of course not- I wouldn't read THOSE!"

"That is sick Sam," Dean shook his head, "I'll bet you're looking up OUR fanfiction too huh?" he was referring, of course, to the fanficiton for Chuck's book series 'Supernatural'.

"THAT IS DISGUSTING!" Sam screamed as Dean trailed a hand over his brother's chest in mockery. Sam squealed and ran into the bathroom to wash away the cooties.

"... what are slash fics?" Castiel blinked, "Or fanfiction for that matter?"

Dean laughed a little and shook his head. "You don't want to know Cas."

Castiel frowned. "I do want to know Dean."

Dean snorted, "No, no you don't."

"Yes I do!"

"No. Really."

"Yes-"

"You know what Cas?" Dean suddenly had a sneaky smirk on his face that the angel couldn't help but be wary of, "How about you read one for yourself? Just give me a second to find a good one..."

Dean grabbed the laptop and turned the screen away from Cas. He picked the category at random, since he doubted Castiel had seen any animes or TV shows anyway, and looked for any stories with SLASH in their descriptions. He saw one with the words HARDCORE SLASH and had a feeling this is what he wanted. He opened it up and skimmed it over a little. He felt his mind get raped a bit, but figured corrupting Castiel and seeing him freak out would totally be worth any discomfort he felt now.

Deciding that the fanfic was definitely disturbing enough, he scrolled up to the top of the story and turned the laptop back to Cas. Then the angel began reading intently as Dean took up a seat opposite him to watch the show.

Castiel's head cocked to one side. Dean smirked.

Castiel's eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed a little. Dean raised an eyebrow of his own.

Castiel's face drew nearer to the screen. Way nearer. Dean frowned a bit, thinking that this was kind of weird. In fact, Castiel didn't seem freaked out at all. Rather, he seemed more intense than usual. Finally he seemed to finish the Fanfiction, and Dean was beginning to feel much more uncomfortable than when he was just skimming over the story himself. Castiel moved the mouse and Dean heard clicking.

"Um, so Cas what did you-" he moved to looked over Castiel's shoulder and his eyes widened "You're looking up ANOTHER?"

"It is most interesting..." Castiel breathed and Dean looked horrified.

"Um... um... I'm going to go find out what Sam's doing..." Dean said and hurried to the bathroom. He pounded on the door demanding sanctuary from Castiel's sudden discovery of his inner fanboy.

Sam decided to let Dean inside and was rather disturbed by his older brother's pale complexion. After they had had a chance to breathe and think this over rationally, they both decided that Castiel being gay wasn't the most unbelievable thing ever. The initial shock having worn off, they were able to walk back into the motel bedroom with more-or-less straight faces. Castiel didn't look up.

"So, um, it's been an hour, can I get my laptop back?" Sam asked after a moment of awkward silence where Castiel didn't notice them return, assuming he had noticed them leave. The angel jerked out of his fanfic trance now, however.

"H-huh?" Castiel turned with screen-glazed eyes toward Sam, "I am just going to finish this one story, it is very engrossing!"

"...I'll... just bet..." Sam frowned and looked at Dean for help in this.

"Cas, seriously, I know you only have just discovered the wonders of the internet but Sam needs to look up his own slashfics now," Dean giggled at Sam's scathing look.

"Oh, you mean the Supernatural fanfiction?" Castiel blinked "I am reading one now, I did not realise you and your brother had so much sexual chemistry."

The brothers' jaws dropped simultaneously. Then Sam yanked his laptop away and turned off the power, seriously considering salting and burning it at this point. Dean was just twitching like crazy. Castiel looked unhappy at the removal of his reading material and when I say unhappy, I mean he actually snarled when the computer was yanked back. A fanboy response. God help them.

"Perhaps I should get my own computer," Castiel said with a frown and vanished. Sam looked at Dean, his eyes fearful.

"What have we just unleashed on the world?" Sam whispered.

Dean sighed, "Another fanboy Sammy, another fanboy. With... with magical powers..." Dean's eyes widened, "Oh God, you don't think he'll become OUR fanboy do you? Like, like pairing..."

"Us?" Sam squeaked.

The Winchesters would live in fear of this for days, but when Castiel returned with a laptop of his own (with no explanation as to how he got it) he made no more references to Supernatural fanfiction. It was much harder to catch his attention after that, especially if one of his favourite fics updated. Still though, Dean and Sam gradually grew used to their angel's perverted addiction.

That is, until Chuck broke his promise and published his books up until when Lucifer rose. The Winchesters did try very hard to kill Chuck, but unfortunately he had archangel body guards and Castiel only just helped them escape. Chuck seemed quite brazened by this, and saw fit to become rather snooty about his writing, to the brothers' eternal annoyance.

Therefore the Supernatural fan girls discovered the hotness that was Castiel, and they decided he and Dean had lots of sexual chemistry too. It was only a matter of hours before Castiel discovered a new world of slash fiction. This one, however, confused him more than any beforehand. He was on his laptop in the motel room at the time, with Dean on the other bed and Sam out doing something possibly involving the fetching of foodstuffs.

"I do not understand our fan base's portrayals of me," Castiel said with a confused expression. Dean groaned, not wanting to talk about this but knowing it was futile to refuse conversation with Castiel.

"Why? What do they 'portray' you as?"

"Well there's no set rule, but it seems there are two almost polar opposite versions of me used in these fan fictions," Castiel blinked, "In one version of myself I am shown as childishly innocent, not understanding something as simple as an erection. Why would I not know what that is? It is a natural and fundamental part of creation and I've been on this earth many times over the millennia. I would understand what was happening if my penis became suddenly hard."

"I don't need to hear this," Dean winced.

"And the other portrayal has me as some sort of heavenly rapist. I seem to push you against the wall in Zachariah's waiting room and then ravish you in about 5 different ways that I've read so far. I don't understand why the fans would make me do such a thing. I am not violent; I would not force you into sex."

"What? They have you pairing with me?" Dean asked in horror.

"Yes. I do believe they have enough evidence for the pairing when they actually site parts of the book series, but they seem very fuzzy on how to keep a character as their personality actually is," Castiel looked a little annoyed. Oh no, he was developing fanfic pet peeves.

"Castiel, I think you should stop reading Fanfiction. It's starting to mess with your mind."

"I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!" Castiel yelled and hunched over the laptop like Gollum. This was worse than the Winchester had thought.

"Cas, give me that laptop," Dean glared and stood. Castiel looked fearful when he realised Dean meant business and vanished. Dean groaned and rubbed his eyes, realising this was a problem. When Sam returned with chicken wings, Dean wasted no time in grabbing them.

"So, where'd Cas go?" Sam asked after a few seconds.

"I don't know. He was looking up Supernatural Fanfiction with him in it, I said I was going to take his laptop away, and he vanishes."

Sam raised his eyebrows, "Was it a... Cas/Dean fic?"

Dean's eyebrows rose as well, "How do you know about Cas/Dean fics?"

Sam blushed, "Well- it- I was just curious!"

"Bi-curious..." Dean muttered.

Sam suddenly looked hit by inspiration, "Wait! Dean, do you know why teenage girls read slash fics?"

"Uh, they're sick, twisted, perverted little bitches who like to parade their favourite fictional characters around like sex slaves?"

"No, I mean besides that!" Sam looked annoyed.

"Um... can I phone an expert?" Dean asked worriedly.

"Who?"

"Becky."

"Yeah that's an expert," Sam winced, remembering vividly their number one 'super fan' as Dean dialled Becky's phone number.

"OMG Dean? Why are you calling? Is something wrong? IS SAM OKAY? Oh, oh, how's Castiel? I LOVE HIM! He is SO cool, I am SO happy Chuck published the next set of books because if he hadn't I would've never known about this totally awesome pairing! You two are SO cute together with all your staring and Cas pushing you into a wall and-"

"Hanging up now," Dean pressed the 'end call' button with a slightly mind raped look on his face.

Sam shook his head, "Well, I assume that failed, so I'll just tell you. They read it because they're sexually frustrated."

"Uh... so we have to get Castiel laid? I already tried that once at a brothel, and it kind of failed."

"A brothel? You took an angel of the Lord to a brothel..." Sam shook his head, "Anyway, he's clearly gay if all the slash fic reading is anything to go by, so I think you're going to have to either find him a guy who he would consider a good pairing for him... or have sex with him yourself."

Dean stared, "But... oh no don't tell me you're a Cas/Dean fan boy! Gross, my own brother! A fan boy! God!"

"Look, you must give Castiel fan service! If you don't, he might never get over his addiction!" Sam growled.

Dean glared, "Okay, but no way am I being the bottom you got that?"

"Yeah yeah..." Sam rolled his eyes. "Just call the angel. I'll get out of here for two hours, be finished when I get back."

"Whatever, bitch," Dean muttered.

"Jerk," Sam said casually as he walked out the door and Dean dialled the phone.

"Dean?" Cas answered on the first ring, "I am not giving you my laptop!"

"So, um, you want to have sex?" Dean said as casually as possible thinking: 'Say no, say no, say no.'

Castiel appeared beside Dean in an instant and pushed him up into a wall. "Yes," he breathed an inch from the hunter's face.

'Crap,' Dean moaned inwardly, wondering why he listened to Sam. He hated Fanfiction writing fan girls SO much.

Sam was eating a burger when he got a call from Chuck.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" he was screaming.

"Chuck? Chuck what's happening?" Sam asked in shock.

"I WON'T PUBLISH ANYMORE! THE IMAGES! THE IMAGES!"

It occurred then to Sam that Chuck had visions of everything the Winchesters did. Everything. The younger Winchester smirked.

"You know how many fan girls wish they were you right now?"

"MAKE IT STOP!" the geek cried and moaned into the phone.

"So who's on top?"

"WAAAAAAAAH!" the line went dead. Sam leaned onto the table in the diner and laughed for a good 30 seconds, drawing stares. He wouldn't laugh later, though, when he returned after two hours and the two of them were still at it. He had to give angels one thing- they sure had endurance.

END


End file.
